Semi-Double Indemnity: Hort Noir

image credit: igrayne01

I spotted her pouting face among the pots of generic shrub roses at the local Home Depot.  The sultry red petals, the sassy curves of her stems.  I slipped a hand into her dewy foliage to check the tag: Rosa ‘Dolly Parton’.  Figures.  A hybrid tea.  What was a dame like her doing in a joint like this?

“What’s a dame like you doing in a joint like this?”

She didn’t answer.  A petulant little thing.  But I couldn’t take my eyes off her voluptuous blooms.

“I’ll be you’re a lotta trouble, eh Doll?” I said, taking a closer look.  Yup. Already a hint of black spot.  Traces of rust.  And leggy.  Sooo leggy.

I should’ve just walked away.  Yeah, I knew better.  But a hybrid tea like her doesn’t just drop into your life everyday, not with giant corollas like that.

The dame was coming home with me.

Thanks to the poet Charles Goodrich and Garden Rant for introducing me to this genre. 

6 thoughts on “Semi-Double Indemnity: Hort Noir

  1. THanks for the chuckle! Dolly is lucky to be under your care. The writing reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where the Book Police, Mr. Bookman, nabs Jerry for the 20 year over due book, Tropic of Cancer!

    • Hi Mira,
      Thanks for the comment! I think we must have a lot in common, being fans of both gardening and Seinfeld. The Tropic of Cancer episode is one of my favorites…the part where Mr. Bookman just lays into Jerry for his overdue book is totally priceless!


      • Really enjoying your blog and sense of humor. I finally rented Julie and Julia last weekend to get psyched up to cook and eat Thanksgiving dinner- and was so inspired by Julie’s food blog. My hats off to all you bloggers – for your dedication – where do you find the time?!

        • Mira,

          I’m so glad to have you for a reader. I see you are a fellow GW Landscape Design grad…you have a fantastic website! I would love to be doing what you’re doing someday (landscape design) but for now I am a teacher and I squeeze my blog writing in between classes and in the evenings. It is definitely time-consuming, but I love to write, so it’s fun so far!


  2. Ouch!… Not even a photo of this leggy stinging creature of the gardenscape???

    Such a shame… Hey but there is a mysterious shot of Guy Noir on the case… so never fear guys!

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