With all that grass, I mean. I know you have a super-creative plan for re-planting your ex-lawn, but now you’ve got a huge sod pile to deal with. Don’t tell me you smothered the poor grass under cardboard and plastic? That’s a damn shame. Had you an ounce of ingenuity, you would have re-purposed your grass in a stylish and ecologically correct manner. Like these people did.
#1 The Ecologically Fashion Forward Couple About Town. Don’t roll your eyes. You know you wish you could pull this off. If you’re a little daunted, just start small. Maybe with the tie, shoes, and hat. Confidence is key. You have to own the look.
#2 The Turf Sandal. So you live in DC and you’ve recently replaced your lawn with a patio made from locally quarried Anacostia Hard-Pan Pavers? Just slip these sandals on and you will fondly remember what it was like to go barefoot. Don’t forget to order the tiny lawnmower and tiny bags of Scott’s TurfBuilder!
#3 Grass Knuckles. I didn’t want to tell you this but your weapon stash is looking sooooooo 1998. Now you can beat somebody to a bloody pulp in style, while expressing your concern for the environment. Isn’t that what it’s all about?
#4 Ecologically Correct Vandalism Hmmmm, it’s Saturday night and you’re in the mood to vandalize some statues, but how? Use your grass! Be original! Grass mohawks, grass codpieces….you get the idea!
#5 Bag o’ Grass If all else fails, there is always a market for products packaged in brown paper printed with minimalistic fonts. Cut your sod in squares, stick them in bags, and sell them for $79.99 a piece at a shop in SoHo. You’ll be golden!