If you’re like me, you are drawn to the glossy pages of gardening and design magazines such as Garden Design, Fine Gardening, etc.   The old classics Southern Living and BHG always feature a residential garden or two in each issue as well.  In case you hadn’t noticed, the gardens pictured in these magazines are beautiful, and you could learn a thing or two from studying them.

For example, look out your window right now.  Is the view you see resplendent with old world charm?  Is it a sublime vision that synthesizes classical European design elements with exotic tropical plants?  Let me ask you something.  Where is your recessed open-air dining loggia?  Your series of outdoor rooms? DO YOU AT LEAST HAVE A FOOTED URN??

That’s okay.  If you look at the homeowners in these pictures, clearly they are more gifted and attractive than you and your family.  Just take a look at their cute little son, dressed all in white and playing a game of croquet on the lawn.  He’s so clean you could eat lunch off of his head.  Now look at your son in his juice-stained Elmo t-shirt.  Looks like he wandered outside without his pants again and is spitting at the birdfeeder. 

You’d better put your magazine down and go get him.