Better Homes and Gardens Than Yours

If you’re like me, you are drawn to the glossy pages of gardening and design magazines such as Garden Design, Fine Gardening, etc.   The old classics Southern Living and BHG always feature a residential garden or two in each issue as well.  In case you hadn’t noticed, the gardens pictured in these magazines are beautiful, and you could learn a thing or two from studying them.

For example, look out your window right now.  Is the view you see resplendent with old world charm?  Is it a sublime vision that synthesizes classical European design elements with exotic tropical plants?  Let me ask you something.  Where is your recessed open-air dining loggia?  Your series of outdoor rooms? DO YOU AT LEAST HAVE A FOOTED URN??

That’s okay.  If you look at the homeowners in these pictures, clearly they are more gifted and attractive than you and your family.  Just take a look at their cute little son, dressed all in white and playing a game of croquet on the lawn.  He’s so clean you could eat lunch off of his head.  Now look at your son in his juice-stained Elmo t-shirt.  Looks like he wandered outside without his pants again and is spitting at the birdfeeder. 

You’d better put your magazine down and go get him.